Dear Mr. TAG Body Spray 2008,
When you inevitably become too successful and thus too good for your next "relationship," try to scrounge up the decency to take the following items with you when you sleaze out the door in the middle of the night:
At the very least you've got to learn to pretend to be classy around those surgeons or they'll kick you out of the Bootlickers Club faster than you can say "glorified scrub tech."
Ever fondly,
Your ex
(Hint: The fat one.)
- Your secret list of favorite out-of-town strip clubs (Finally, a Zagat's for douchebags! Lap dances only $20! No cover charge!)
- Your collection of strip club matchbooks (the Chicago series!)
- The scraps of paper scribbled with your ex-girlfriends' current phone numbers
- Cocktail napkins with women's names and phone numbers written on them
At the very least you've got to learn to pretend to be classy around those surgeons or they'll kick you out of the Bootlickers Club faster than you can say "glorified scrub tech."
Ever fondly,
Your ex
(Hint: The fat one.)
2 comments:
I hope that you will find the power within yourself to send him that, exactly as you wrote it here. I love you, "fat" one.
I will have my say. One day he will have to face me again, even if he still can't look me in the eye.
I love you too, sweet pea.
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