What a strange flight. I was hardly anxious at all -- mind you, I was on Xanax. But the last time I flew, it was like it didn't even put a dent in my fear.
What I do is take the Xanax just before boarding and then pray until we reach 10,000 feet and I can fire up my iPod. Then I put my Dr. G insomnia self-hypnosis track on repeat and force myself into unconsciousness for as long as I can.
The first time (in 20 years) that I flew in June was pretty surreal. I don't know if it was because I had never taken tranquilizers before, but I was out like a light for the entire flight. I'd drift back to consciousness every once in a while, but it really felt like the whole flight was about 10 minutes long. However, the more I fly, the harder it is to stay unconscious. Yesterday I eventually gave up on self-hypnosis and listened to Lauryn Hill for the last hour of the flight. However, when I did sleep it was deep enough for me to dream: I dreamt that the pilot botched the first landing attempt, except it wasn't really a botch -- he jack-knifed intentionally in order to get up more speed for Dolphin Olympics. Thanks a lot, Kiki.
Yesterday was pretty hard. J slept the whole day. I didn't move from her bedside all day, hoping she would wake up and see me. I laid awake very late last night with my regrets squeezing my heart.
However, I woke up this morning and heard L talking to J. I jumped out of bed and ran into her bedroom (I'm sleeping on a mattress on the floor outside of her door). Her hospital bed was in the up position, and she looked right at me. Then she started pointing her finger and counting the people in the room. When she got to me, she said, "Now who is that?" L said, "It's Chrissy!" and J went "CHRISSY!!" I ran over and gave her a hug and a kiss, and she grabbed onto my hand and didn't let go for almost an hour.
L and B had to go out and run some errands, so I was alone with J for several hours today. She woke up enough to take her medication, and she drank a big glass of milk.
What I do is take the Xanax just before boarding and then pray until we reach 10,000 feet and I can fire up my iPod. Then I put my Dr. G insomnia self-hypnosis track on repeat and force myself into unconsciousness for as long as I can.
The first time (in 20 years) that I flew in June was pretty surreal. I don't know if it was because I had never taken tranquilizers before, but I was out like a light for the entire flight. I'd drift back to consciousness every once in a while, but it really felt like the whole flight was about 10 minutes long. However, the more I fly, the harder it is to stay unconscious. Yesterday I eventually gave up on self-hypnosis and listened to Lauryn Hill for the last hour of the flight. However, when I did sleep it was deep enough for me to dream: I dreamt that the pilot botched the first landing attempt, except it wasn't really a botch -- he jack-knifed intentionally in order to get up more speed for Dolphin Olympics. Thanks a lot, Kiki.
Yesterday was pretty hard. J slept the whole day. I didn't move from her bedside all day, hoping she would wake up and see me. I laid awake very late last night with my regrets squeezing my heart.
However, I woke up this morning and heard L talking to J. I jumped out of bed and ran into her bedroom (I'm sleeping on a mattress on the floor outside of her door). Her hospital bed was in the up position, and she looked right at me. Then she started pointing her finger and counting the people in the room. When she got to me, she said, "Now who is that?" L said, "It's Chrissy!" and J went "CHRISSY!!" I ran over and gave her a hug and a kiss, and she grabbed onto my hand and didn't let go for almost an hour.
L and B had to go out and run some errands, so I was alone with J for several hours today. She woke up enough to take her medication, and she drank a big glass of milk.
L just came in and said, "Hey, Ma!" and J said, "What!" and L said, "I love you," and J looked at me and smiled and patted my head.
I am so glad to be here.
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