Thursday, August 28, 2008

Don't let go. Ever.
















I am so very thankful to be alive. I want to get my Master's degree in Something, cure cancer, climb Mount Everest, discover a new species of Amazonian microfrog (and name it after myself), hug a stranger, and stand up to every mean person I encounter between now and the end of my life. That's how pumped up I am about being alive and not a very very very tiny and unrecognizable part of an ongoing NTSB investigation.

The flight? Oh, the flight was wonderful. Probably couldn't have gone any smoother. And this time there was no drop-and-shudder stomach-flipping landing in the midst of a thunderstorm.

I'm just saying -- I'm alive and really friggin' happy about it. Who needs this fucking Effexor, anyway?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Erp.

OMG

I'm getting sick with fear about my flight to Chicago on Thursday. Every 5 minutes there's a plane disaster on the news. I think the Baby Jesus is trying to send me a sign.

Gah....

Saturday, August 23, 2008

You might win some, but you just lost one.


















Now, now how come your talk turn cold
Gained the whole world for the price of your soul
Trying to grab hold of what you can't control
Now you're all floss, what a sight to behold

Wisdom is better than silver and gold
I was hopeless, now I'm on Hope road
Every man want to act like he's exempt
When him need to get down on his knees and repent

Can't slick talk on the day of Judgment
Your movements similar to a serpent
Tried to play straight, now your whole style bent
Consequence is no coincidence

Hypocrites always want to play innocent
Always want to take it to the full out extent
Always want to make it seem like good intent
Never want to face it when it's time for punishment

I know that you don't wanna hear my opinion
But there come many paths and you must choose one
And if you don't change then the rain soon come
See, you might win some but you just lost one

You might win some but you really lost one
You just lost one, it's so silly how come
When it's all done did you really gain from
What you done done, it's so silly how come
You just lost one

Now don't you understand man universal law
What you throw out comes back to you, star
Never underestimate those who you scar
Cause karma, karma, karma comes back to you hard

You can't hold God's people back that long
The chain of Shatan wasn't made that strong
Trying to pretend like your word is your bond
But until you do right, all you do will go wrong

Now some might mistake this for just a simple song
And some don't know what they have 'til it's gone
Now even when you're gone you can still be reborn
And from the night can arrive the sweet dawn

Now some might listen and some might shun
And some may think that they've reached perfection
If you look closely you'll see what you've become
'Cause you might win some but you just lost one


So far, so good.

















In a few hours I will take my fourth Adderall. I don't feel any different, but I'm not supposed to. I haven't noticed any huge changes in how I'm moving through the world, although I did make Kiki help me install a medicine cabinet in my bathroom at 2:00 in the morning the other day. It went very smoothly, which never happens with me. And it's almost finished. It would be completely finished, but I can't get the hinges for the door to unclench, and I have no way to install them until I figure this out. But I digress.

I've been sleeping a lot, that's the thing. I've been taking the Adderall in the morning: real morning. Normal morning. They say that Adderall can cause insomnia, so I have been hoping that it might wake me up during the day. No such luck. Could be PMS, but I have been exhausted and suspect I might be sleeping through the peak of Adderall's effects.

I haven't checked my blood pressure yet. I'm just avoiding it; I'm certain I'm going to have a heart attack or something. The Effexor raised my blood pressure at first, so I'm afraid the Adderall will, too. Tomorrow I'm sucking it up and running in to Target to get it checked. I'm still kind of nervous because after a week I'm supposed to increase my dose to 5 mg in the morning and 5 mg at midday. I'll be in Chicago by then, and I'm not too happy about being 2,300 miles away from my doctor in case anything goes wonky. But as much as I dislike having to take medication, I'm thinking I'll probably do better on a higher dose. We'll see.

The one thing I have noticed -- and I'm so unbelievably thankful for this -- is that the neighbors' dirtbikes no longer make me want to cry and then throw myself screaming off of the roof. I can hear them, and they're still awful and loud and annoying, but the sound doesn't force its way into the deepest recesses of my brain and shriek and clang and hammer until I'm half mad from it. That alone makes the whole Adderall thing worth it. My anxiety is pretty quiet, and I'm not having any jitters. Those were two of my biggest fears.

So that's what's going on. I'm going back to Chicago next Thursday, August 28th. I can't believe I'm getting on a plane AGAIN. I'm excited, though. I don't know how much more time I'm going to get with my mother-in-law, and I just miss her so much. We talk on the phone a couple times a week and write letters back and forth, but it's not the same as being together in person. He's in Chicago right now. I hope they're having a nice visit.

LT, pencil me in for a date next week! I didn't get a chance to see you last time!

Friday, August 22, 2008

Happy Father's Day

















Back in May I sponsored a child in his name through Plan USA. Her name is Phin, and she is a little girl from Cambodia. Sponsors are encouraged to develop a relationship with their child. They also give you a list of things the children need, like school supplies and things of that nature.

A letter came from Plan USA recently in both of our names. I debated whether I should open it or not, but in the end I decided to do it. It was a tracing of Phin's hand, and it just about broke my heart in half. I think I have to keep it.

Is that wrong? Am I a horrible person?

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Catching up on TV busses I missed.

dean's game

Dexter is really good. I'm up to episode 8 11 of season 1.

Edit: 5:06 a.m.

One caveat:  Julie Benz gets on my nerves like nobody's business. She's almost the same character she played on Supernatural, only twice as sickly-sweet and annoying. What the fuck is up with her voice? Total Mary Sue. I'm surprised she doesn't have red hair. The only thing missing is the Disney forest creatures following her where ever she goes and cartoon flowers blooming in her dainty, skittish-but-oh-so-brave footsteps. I'm hoping she gets diced. The kid/ex-husband storyline is really dull.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Pardon my French, but....

What the FUCK is wrong with 2008???


Monday, August 18, 2008

Snip snip!

Where can a girl find some fake bangs? I want to try some out to see if they look decent on me. The girl at my bubble tea place has the cutest cut, and I kinda want it. A lot. But I'm a commitment-phobe and want to try something removable first.

I'm a chicken. So sue me!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

No one knew me, no one knew me....

I sent my mother-in-law a bouquet of flowers and a Thomas Kincaid music box that plays Amazing Grace for her birthday last Wednesday. She's really excited about my visit at the end of the month. Me, too! My sister-in-law and her husband are going on a working vacation while I'm there, so it will be just me and J (my mom-in-law) for the first three days or so. We've got lots of stuff planned. I can't wait.

I hope 2009 is a better year.


Oink!

I have a date with a gay man in California. And another one possibly in the works.

Not bad for a short fat chick on a Friday night.