I've been taking my Effexor every 36 hours for a while now, trying to make my refills last. I can't even afford to get them 7 pills at a time, and since I found a couple of Effexor blister packs (samples) in my closet when I cleaned it out last week, I have started to do self-directed fast-track weaning off of the Effexor.

I'm really scared. I don't do well off of antidepressant/antianxiety meds, and I get really suicidal during the weaning process, but I don't have a choice. I don't have anything to sell, I don't have any room on my credit cards. I can't afford my ADHD meds, either, but they've been doing me so much good....I made the choice to take a chance on sacrificing the Effexor in the hopes of keeping the dexedrine.

Meanwhile, all of the cats have been alternating through this sort of random vomiting cycle. The Monkey needs another checkup to monitor her renal failure. Something is wrong with Stinky, and he needs to see a vet as soon as possible, but we don't even have a car to drive him there. We don't have the money to fix a car in order to drive him there, let alone get him the treatment he needs.

I wish I had life insurance. I'm so scared that there will be no one to take care of them if something happened to me. More than anything, I just want them to be okay and have everything they need for once. My best has never been good enough.