Questions I Wish I Could Ask: #283.5 (It's a two-parter)

Did you ever tell anyone about the time you shoved me on the kitchen stairs because I walked away from you when you started screaming at me?

Probably not. I just wonder sometimes.

I also wonder why the first thing you said to me immediately afterward was

 

"Do you think I just hit you? Do you? Tell me: Do you think I hit you?"

instead

of

"I'm sorry."

I just found another lump.

So it's probably nothing...but even if it was something, I have $17 in my bank account. Even if I had money to see my doctor, if it turned out to be something, I could potentially end up with a preexisting condition in my chart that could ruin things if I ever get health insurance.

I don't know what to do. Actually, there's nothing I can do, it's just that now I'm starting to worry. Just a little bit.

I'm just fat and lumpy, right? Right.

You can build a mansion, but you just can't live in it

I am posting this entry under extreme duress. By that I mean AED has guilted me into it. Apparently I am required to supply her with fresh reading material on a daily basis -- this despite my efforts to explain to her exactly how boring my life happens to be. I mean, it's not like she wasn't here for almost 2 weeks in May to witness it for herself.

Found a large 300-ounce bottle of half-chugged Corona outside my therapist's office today. K took a picture of it -- it was still foamy! See?

Let's see, what else? I gave K another 2-hour lecture on why she needs to really start selling prints of her work. She listened, but I could tell she wasn't really hearing me. As usual. When AED gets here, I will have all the backup I need for these butt-kickings.

And now for something completely different!

Only a few more weeks until AED and Mr. AED come to town! I've got a ton of work to do before they get here, so I'm trying to break out of my lifelong procrastination habit and get everything done ahead of schedule (instead of driving myself into a blind last-minute panic the night before they are due to arrive). Slowly but surely my brain is being retrained. No miracles here, just a lot of hard work (and complaining).

Random:  It makes me incredibly nervous when chickens stare at my toes. Not even an angry, charging goose can inspire such deep-seated unease. Weird.

Okay. That's it for today. Time to get stuff done. I almost want to rake up all of the leaves in the yard into big piles -- they're so pretty, I just want to jump in them and roll around. But yeah, that's totally not going to happen. Besides, I'd only end up rolling in goose poop.

House insurance.

Flood insurance.

Car insurance.

The Ghost of Property Taxes Past will visit you three times before November.

drip

drip

drip

I found a weird lump recently. It's on the opposite side of my other weird lump, and neither of them are going away. I have decided not to freak out. There's absolutely nothing I can do about it. I'll just keep hoping that I can get health insurance very soon. Maybe the health insurance fairy will visit me.

How the fuck did I get here? Nevermind. Don't answer that.

What I can do is finish up my work for the day, take that typing test, and then hop on my bike to pump out a hat or two. It's a beautiful day, and I want to go for a nice long walk when K wakes up.

Kinda funny, kinda sad. Totally me.

I could really do without the nightmares lately, Self. Can't we work shit out during daylight hours? Kiki says it sounds like I've got a TV going in the bedroom at night. No wonder the cats look so disgruntled in the morning -- who can sleep through all the talking?

Someone told me nothing happened today.

My hair was in spectacular disarray this morning. I glanced in the bathroom mirror and immediately yelled for K to come take a look. I honestly had no idea what went where.

When we were out later, K started laughing about it again (how ridiculous I looked this morning). We were getting out of the car, and I said, "Man, I swear. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and think, 'It really would not be possible for me to be any uglier than I am right at this moment. I mean, I guess I could knock out a few teeth and cross my eyes, but that's about it.'" We were howling with laughter, and the redneck in the truck next to us was looking at us like we were nuts. Which we are, so good on him.

The weather has been so beautiful lately. Cool and cloudy, alternating sun and showers. The trees are all turning, and our yard is ankle-deep with brightly golden leaves. The birds are delighted with all of the rain. You can always tell when it's raining because you can hear them celebrating outside. It's like a waterfowl block party.

Yesterday's excursion to Home Depot netted us a couple of bags of wood pellets for the woodstove and a roll of vinyl carpet runner. The runner was for the kitchen counters. I trimmed it to size and laid it upside down on the counters (with the nasty spikes sticking up) in an attempt to discourage the cats from jumping up there. Naturally, within 2 minutes Stinky jumped up on the island, sat right down on the spikes, and said, "Hey, guys! What's up?"

God.

Dammit.

Guy didn't seem too bothered by it, either, but there has been a noticeable decline in feline counter-space occupation in the past 24 hours. Monkey walked on it, too, but she probably doesn't weigh enough to press down on the spikes. Heh.

The Monkey's lab results came back "okay." She's hyperthryoid, though, so we'll have to increase her dosage. This distresses me because there are health risks associated with long-term methimazole use; I wanted to get her thyroid nuked years ago, but it's almost $1,000 and we just  never had the money. And when we finally had the money, the money decided to walk out in the middle of the night and never come back. I can't think about that, though. It's still hard to understand, let alone cope with. Dear World: I didn't mean to be one of Those People. My mistake was placing trust in love. I'm sorry.

Today we went to the feed store to buy bird food and diatomaceous earth (DE). The DE is for sprinkling in the carpeting, furniture, and animal bedding. It's completely nontoxic, it's edible (it can be taken orally for deworming purposes), and it kills fleas like nobody's business. We don't have a real flea problem right now, but I like to be preventative.

I've also decided to keep my old computer armoire. The doors have been removed and were disposed of long ago, but I've had the armoire out in the front hall for several months now (I've been trying to decided on the best way to dismantle it for disposal). The cats love it. They lounge around on top of it and use it to get up to the giant window waaaaay up above the front door. Today I cleaned it out and moved it over to the other side of the hall. Then I put one of the cats' water fountains in it (this keeps it nice and clean because the dogs can't get their filthy lips on it). I'm quite happy with it! Sure, it looks like shit, but it's functional and it gives the cats more square footage to move around on.

Now I'm going to build a fire in the woodstove, take out my knitting, and watch some 30 Rock.

Good times!

Quote of the day:

AED:  You are NOT going off Effexor! I can't risk having to start breastfeeding you again.

My head says, "Who cares?" My heart says, “You do, stupid."

" You can only find a few people in this world who will tell you they love you and actually mean it with all their heart. Don't forget those people who stood by you through it all, the special few that were there for you until the end."